Standings

I finally bit the bullet. Today being my birthday and all, I figured what better present than to watch straight cash, homey, slide through my fingers and down a sewer grate. So I figured up the standings.

First of all, congratulations to Chip. His bizarrely awesome 14-2 in the NFL gave him his first weekly win since, like, August with a 34-15. Second of all, remember all that parity I was talking about? It's about to fly out the window.

Chris "Spawn of Satan" Smith is doing his best Kristy anti-Christ impersonation, refusing to ever have a bad week as the rest of us stumble and bumble around him. His 33-16 was unmatched for second and two games better than anyone else, allowing him to open a four-game lead for first overall. And speaking of Kristy the anti-Christ, she has wormed her way up to second overall despite still not having won a week this season.

Both took advantage of Rob's 28-21, which he got to drop, but the 29-18 he replaced it with wasn't enough to keep him from sliding to third two weeks after he briefly took over first. Cullen (31-18) is now a game back of third, while Chip has moved back to fifth and I've fallen all the way to sixth compliments of a brutal 29-20.

Still, that was better than a lot of people did last week. Unfortunately they're all bottom feeders. Bob was a cool 26-23 after a horrific 6-10 NFL showing, leaving him in grave danger of being caught by Cheryl (28-21) and Lonnie (31-18), while Lane was an even more ghastly 21-28, leaving him in even greater danger of being caught by big Ed in the spirited battle for last overall. Lane's strategy of going with all home teams in scratchers has tempted me this season, but, like when George encourages Jerry to confront Dr. Siffaredes about his skin rash, it backfired with an 8-8.

I guess I'm lucky I never tried that.

Anyway, here are the standings. And one final note: I think it's rather remarkable that Cheryl and Lonnie are tied both in the standings without a dropped week and the standings with a dropped week. It's not remarkable in the sense that they both suck at picking who's going to win football games, but the amazing part is that they're dead even despite the fact that their picks are quite different every week. It's like they have some sort of cosmic attraction to each other; one that has bonded their love and fated them to a life of throwing $200 away every football season.

It's sweet, and it's beautiful.

Standings
(Weekly win in bold; worst week in red)
Chris 34-8, 37-14, 35-13, 28-19, 28-19, 32-10, 30-16, 29-17, 28-19, 26-18, 28-17, 37-11, 33-16 (377-178, .679)
Kristy 30-12, 39-12, 27-21, 31-16, 28-19, 31-11, 28-18, 32-14, 30-17, 26-18, 31-14, 35-13, 31-18 (372-182, .671)
Rob 31-11, 37-14, 31-17, 29-18, 29-18, 30-12, 29-17, 34-12, 29-18, 26-18, 31-14, 34-14, 28-21 (370-183, .669)
Cullen 35-7, 38-13, 31-17, 28-19, 26-21, 25-17, 27-19, 32-14, 31-16, 26-18, 32-13, 35-13, 31-18 (371-184, .668)
Chip 33-9, 41-10, 32-16, 28-19, 30-17, 30-12, 25-21, 29-17, 28-19, 25-19, 27-18, 34-14, 34-15 (371-185, .667)
Ron 33-9, 38-13, 37-11, 29-18, 27-20, 26-16, 27-19, 34-12, 27-20, 26-18, 27-18, 35-13, 29-20 (368-187, .663)
Amy 32-10, 40-11, 29-19, 30-17, 28-19, 25-17, 24-22, 26-20, 30-17, 26-18, 34-11, 35-13, 31-18 (366-190, .658)
Bob 31-11, 34-17, 31-17, 34-13, 26-21. 28-14, 24-22, 28-18, 34-13, 26-18, 27-18, 34-14, 26-23 (359-197, .646)
Cheryl 29-13, 35-16, 33-15, 26-21, 27-20, 27-15, 27-19, 30-16, 33-14, 25-19, 29-16, 30-18, 28-21 (353-202, .636)
Lonnie 30-12, 37-14, 28-20, 27-20, 26-21, 24-18, 28-18, 31-15, 28-19, 26-18, 28-17, 35-13, 31-18 (353-202, .636)
Lane 30-12, 34-17, 30-18, 28-19, 27-20, 28-14, 25-21, 25-21, 28-19, 23-21, 32-13, 29-19, 21-28 (339-214, .613)
Dad 28-14, 0-51, 30-18, 25-22, 32-15, 24-18, 22-24, 24-22, 29-18, 30-14, 33-12, 31-17, 29-20 (337-214, .612)

Week 14

I'll get the standings out tomorrow, but I wanted to make sure everybody had enough time to do their picks on this holiday week. And remember - the FCS playoff games count double.

ACC
Georgia Tech at Georgia
Miami at North Carolina State
South Carolin at Clemson
Virginia at Virginia Tech
Florida at Florida State
Maryland at Boston College
North Carolina at Duke
Vanderbilt at Wake Forest

SEC
Mississippi State at Mississippi (Friday)
Louisiana State at Arkansas (Friday)
Auburn at Alabama
Kentucky at Tennessee

FCS playoffs
South Carolina State at Appalachian State
Colgate at Villanova
Eastern Kentucky at Richmond
New Hampshire at Southern Illinois
Texas State at Montana
Wofford at James Madison
Maine at Northern Iowa
Weber State at Cal Poly

Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
California-Los Angeles at Arizona State (Friday)
Kansas at Missouri
Oregon at Oregon State
Oklahoma at Oklahoma State

Scratchers
West Virginia at Pittsburgh (Friday)
Ohio at Miami (Ohio) (Friday)
Akron at Temple (Friday)
Texas-El Paso at East Carolina (Friday)
Bowling Green at Toledo (Friday)
Fresno State at Boise State (Friday)
Nevada at Louisiana Tech
New Mexico State at Utah State
Houston at Rice
Florida International at Florida Atlantic

NFL
Tennessee at Detroit (Thursday)
Seattle at Dallas (Thursday)
Arizona at Philadelphia (Thursday)
San Francisco at Buffalo
Baltimore at Cincinnati
Indianapolis at Cleveland
Carolina at Green Bay
Miami at St. Louis
New Orleans at Tampa Bay
New York Giants at Washington
Atlanta at San Diego
Pittsburgh at New England
Denver at New York Jets
Kansas City at Oakland
Chicago at Minnesota
Jacksonville at Houston (Monday)

Week 13

I think we can officially call this the most competitive picks race ever.

After 12 weeks, just 1/100th of a point separates spots one through five in the standings, and there's a mere 4/100th between first and ninth. But as close as things are, the same people keep staying in pretty much the same spots - though there were a few changes over the past two weeks.

Rob grabbed first after Week 11 for the first time all season, but then he promptly blew it last weekend as Chris retook the top spot with his third weekly win of the season. His 37-11, fueled by a 13-2 showing in the NFL, beat Kristy, Cullen, me, Amy and Lonnie by two games. Still, Rob remains in second while Kristy stands alone in third despite being one of only four contestants who has yet to register a weekly triumph. Cullen has climbed to fifth, and I have fallen all the way to fifth.

Either we're all really good or we're all really bad, but nobody can seem to pull away.

In other news, as Cullen pointed out, Amy did indeed notch her first triumph of 2008 in Week 11 with a 34-11, though dad and Lane - the missing picks - actually did make things interesting with scores of 33-12 and 32-13, respectively.

I would remind you that I still haven't received entry coconuts from a number of you. You know who you are.

Here are the standings, followed by the games. We have a coveted Wednesday MAC contest, so don't forget.

Standings
Chris 34-8, 37-14, 35-13, 28-19, 28-19, 32-10, 30-16, 29-17, 28-19, 26-18, 28-17, 37-11 (344-162, .680)
Rob 31-11, 37-14, 31-17, 29-18, 29-18, 30-12, 29-17, 34-12, 29-18, 26-18, 31-14, 34-14 (344-165, .676)
Kristy 30-12, 39-12, 27-21, 31-16, 28-19, 31-11, 28-18, 32-14, 30-17, 26-18, 31-14, 35-13 (341-164, .675)
Cullen 35-7, 38-13, 31-17, 28-19, 26-21, 25-17, 27-19, 32-14, 31-16, 26-18, 32-13, 35-13 (340-166, .672)
Ron 33-9, 38-13, 37-11, 29-18, 27-20, 26-16, 27-19, 34-12, 27-20, 26-18, 27-18, 35-13 (339-167, .670)
Chip 33-9, 41-10, 32-16, 28-19, 30-17, 30-12, 25-21, 29-17, 28-19, 25-19, 27-18, 34-14 (337-170, .665)
Amy 32-10, 40-11, 29-19, 30-17, 28-19, 25-17, 24-22, 26-20, 30-17, 26-18, 34-11, 35-13 (335-172, .661)
Bob 31-11, 34-17, 31-17, 34-13, 26-21. 28-14, 24-22, 28-18, 34-13, 26-18, 27-18, 34-14 (333-174, .657)
Cheryl 29-13, 35-16, 33-15, 26-21, 27-20, 27-15, 27-19, 30-16, 33-14, 25-19, 29-16, 30-18 (325-181, .642)
Lonnie 30-12, 37-14, 28-20, 27-20, 26-21, 24-18, 28-18, 31-15, 28-19, 26-18, 28-17, 35-13 (322-184, .636)
Lane 30-12, 34-17, 30-18, 28-19, 27-20, 28-14, 25-21, 25-21, 28-19, 23-21, 32-13, 29-19 (316-193, .621)
Dad 28-14, 0-51, 30-18, 25-22, 32-15, 24-18, 22-24, 24-22, 29-18, 30-14, 33-12, 31-17 (308-194, .614)

Games
ACC
Miami at Georgia Tech (Thursday)
North Carolina State at North Carolina
Clemson at Virginia
Boston College at Wake Forest
Duke at Virginia Tech
Florida State at Maryland

SEC
Tennessee at Vanderbilt
Citadel at Florida
Arkansas at Mississippi State
Mississippi at Louisiana State

SoCon
Furman at Wofford
Elon at Liberty
Samford at Chattanooga
Appalachian State at Western Carolina

Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
Stanford at California
Oregon State at Arizona
Texas Tech at Oklahoma

Scratchers
Ball State at Central Michigan (Wednesday)
Miami at Toledo (Friday)
Buffalo at Bowling Green (Friday)
Fresno State at San Jose State (Friday)
West Virginia at Louisville
Richmond at William & Mary
New Hampshire at Maine
Colorado State at Wyoming
Central Florida at Memphis
Illinois at Northwestern
Akron at Ohio
McNeese State at Central Arkansas
Brigham Young at Utah
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
Iowa at Minnesota
Connecticut at South Florida (Sunday)

NFL
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (Thursday)
Tampa Bay at Detroit
New York Jets at Tennessee
Buffalo at Kansas City
Chicago at St. Louis
New England at Miami
Minnesota at Jacksonville
Philadelphia at Baltimore
Houston at Cleveland
San Francisco at Dallas
Oakland at Denver
Washington at Seattle
New York Giants at Arizona
Carolina at Atlanta
Indianapolis at San Diego
Green Bay at New Orleans (Monday)

Week 12

Sorry for the delay in getting the games out. I'm in Florida working on a very important project, if that's what you want to call playing in an old-man baseball tournament, so I'm running behind.

As I was getting these together, I realized we're coming down the home stretch of full college schedules. As in, there are only, like, two weeks left. So if Lonnie is going to make a move, the time is now.

Here are the games. Oh yeah, I haven't had time to do the standings, so you won't know whether to be pissed or illogically confident. Sorry, again. If somebody's feeling frisky and wants to do last week's standings, be my guest.

Week 12
ACC
Virginia Tech at Miami (Thursday)
Duke at Clemson
North Carolina at Maryland
Wake Forest at North Carolina State
Boston College at Florida State

SEC
Georgia at Auburn
Louisiana-Monroe at Mississippi
South Carolina at Florida
Mississippi State at Alabama
Troy at Louisiana State
Vanderbilt at Kentucky

SoCon
Chattanooga at Citadel
Wofford at Samford
Georgia Southern at Furman
Elon at Appalachian State

Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
Texas at Kansas
California at Oregon State
Nebraska at Kansas State
Texas A&M at Baylor
Arizona at Oregon
California-Los Angeles at Washington

Scratchers
Buffalo at Akron (Thursday)
Cincinnati at Louisville (Friday)
Northwestern at Michigan
Ohio State at Illinois
Massachusetts at New Hampshire
Notre Dame at Navy
William & Mary at James Madison
New Mexico at Colorado State
East Carolina at Southern Mississippi
Brigham Young at Air Force
Louisiana-Lafayette at Florida Atlantic
Tulsa at Houston

NFL
New York Jets at New England (Thursday)
Denver at Atlanta
Philadelphia at Cincinnati
Chicago at Green Bay
Houston at Indianapolis
New Orleans at Kansas City
Oakland at Miami
Baltimore at New York Giants
Minnesota at Tampa Bay
Detroit at Carolina
St. Louis at San Francisco
Arizona at Seattle
San Diego at Pittsburgh
Tennessee at Jacksonville
Dallas at Washington
Cleveland at Buffalo (Monday)

Week 11

I knew something was weird when, after tabulating 11 of 12 results this week, there was a seven-way tie for first. That's right, a seven-way tie. And who was left? Crazy Ed Wagner, otherwise known as dad.

I think we all know what was about to happen.

You got it, dad came through with a 30-14 to obliterate the rest of us by four games, marking the second time this season he's taken home first by crashing an ass-sucking party (it's not unprecedented in other aspects of his life; life as a trucker, you know). Sure, he's still in last, and these kinds of wacky picks could be the reason, but I've made that joke before and the bottom like is he's the winner and I'm the loser so no matter what I say the joke's on me.

Still, I don't think we've ever had the last-place person win two weeks in one season, so this is an occasion to be marked. What's next, a black president?

Speaking of black presidents, at this rate Lane - who undoubtedly was ruled by one at Hendersonville High - is going to mess around and get caught by a guy who missed a week, a feat previously accomplished only by, let's see here, yep, dad. Lane went a contest-worst 23-21 that has actually let dad get within sniffing distance. This is crazy! This is crazy! This is crazy!

And speaking of crazy, our overall race remains ridiculously tight. The top four people all went 26-18, and the only person who didn't - Chip - fell two spots to fifth simply by being a mere one game worse. Rob got to drop his 26-18, which allowed him to pull within one one-thousandth of point of me in second place, while Kristy is now in fourth - three games from first.

As you can see, accuracy is paramount. So I will, again, encourage you to double-check my work.

Here are the games and standings. Lots of good ones, again, this week, and we all have the added shame/humiliation/motivation of being crushed by dad. Let's go regain some pride! Well, except for Lonnie and Cheryl, who are once again contractually obligated to pick Central Florida.

Standings
Weekly winner in bold; worst week in red

1. Chris 34-8, 37-14, 35-13, 28-19, 28-19, 32-10, 30-16, 29-17, 28-19, 26-18 (279-134, .676)
2. Ron 33-9, 38-13, 37-11, 29-18, 27-20, 26-16, 27-19, 34-12, 27-20, 26-18 (277-136, .671)
3. Rob 31-11, 37-14, 31-17, 29-18, 29-18, 30-12, 29-17, 34-12, 29-18, 26-18 (279-137, .671)
4. Kristy 30-12, 39-12, 27-21, 31-16, 28-19, 31-11, 28-18, 32-14, 30-17, 26-18 (275-137, .667)
5. Chip 33-9, 41-10, 32-16, 28-19, 30-17, 30-12, 25-21, 29-17, 28-19, 25-19 (276-138, .667)
6. Cullen 35-7, 38-13, 31-17, 28-19, 26-21, 25-17, 27-19, 32-14, 31-16, 26-18 (273-140, .661)
7. Bob 31-11, 34-17, 31-17, 34-13, 26-21. 28-14, 24-22, 28-18, 34-13, 26-18 (272-142, .657)
8. Cheryl 29-13, 35-16, 33-15, 26-21, 27-20, 27-15, 27-19, 30-16, 33-14, 25-19 (266-147, .644)
9. Amy 32-10, 40-11, 29-19, 30-17, 28-19, 25-17, 24-22, 26-20, 30-17, 26-18 (266-148, .643)
10. Lonnie 30-12, 37-14, 28-20, 27-20, 26-21, 24-18, 28-18, 31-15, 28-19, 26-18 (259-154, .627)
11. Lane 30-12, 34-17, 30-18, 28-19, 27-20, 28-14, 25-21, 25-21, 28-19, 23-21 (255-161, .613)
12. Dad 28-14, 0-51, 30-18, 25-22, 32-15, 24-18, 22-24, 24-22, 29-18, 30-14 (244-165, .597)

Week 11
ACC
Maryland at Virginia Tech (Thursday)
Georgia Tech at North Carolina
Clemson at Florida State
North Carolina State at Duke
Virginia at Wake Forest
Notre Dame at Boston College

SEC
Georgia at Kentucky
Arkansas at South Carolina
Wyoming at Tennessee
Tennessee-Martin at Auburn
Alabama at Louisiana State
Florida at Vanderbile

SoCon
Samford at Georgia Southern
Western Carolina at Elon
Appalachian State at Chattanooga
Citadel at Wofford

Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
Kansas at Nebraska
Oregon State at California-Los Angeles
Oklahoma State at Texas Tech

Scratchers
Texas Christian at Utah (Thursday)
Nevada at Fresno State (Friday)
Illinois at Western Michigan
Bowling Green at Ohio
Louisiana-Monroe at Middle Tennessee
Western Illinois at Southern Illinois
New Hampshire at Villanova
Southern Mississippi at Central Florida
Hawaii at New Mexico State
Arkansas State at Florida International
Cincinnati at West Virginia
New Mexico at Nevada-Las Vegas

NFL
Denver at Cleveland (Thursday)
New Orleans at Atlanta
Tennessee at Chicago
Jacksonville at Detroit
Seattle at Miami
Green Bay at Minnesota
Buffalo at New England
St. Louis at New York Jets
Baltimore at Houston
Carolina at Oakland
Indianapolis at Pittsburgh
Kansas City at San Diego
New York Giants at Philadelphia
San Francisco at Arizona (Monday)