No, I still haven't done the standings. Bite me. Here are this week's games, which are important because we have a game tonight. Well, perhaps I use the word "game" a little loosely, but there were pretty slim pickins for Week 15. As promised, there are way fewer matchups, so lack of research time can't be your excuse for sucking.
And remember, again, that the FCS playoff games count double. I'll do the standings tonight. Promise.
ACC
Boston College vs. Virginia Tech
SEC
Alabama vs. Florida
FCS playoffs
Richmond at Appalachian State
Weber State at Montana
Villanova at James Madison
New Hampshire at Northern Iowa
Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
Missouri vs. Oklahoma
Arizona State at Arizona
Scratchers
Middle Tennessee at Louisiana-Lafayette (Wednesday)
Pittsburgh at Connecticut
South Florida at West Virginia
Cincinnati at Hawaii
Western Kentucky at Florida International
NFL
Oakland at San Diego (Thursday)
Jacksonville at Chicago
Minnesota at Detroit
Houston at Green Bay
Cleveland at Tennessee
Cincinnati at Indianapolis
Atlanta at New Orleans
Philadelphia at New York Giants
Kansas City at Denver
Miami at Buffalo
New York Jets at San Francisco
New England at Seattle
St. Louis at Arizona
Dallas at Pittsburgh
Washington at Baltimore
Tampa Bay at Carolina (Monday)
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19 comments:
I will take Middle Tennessee State for reasons unbeknownst to me.
Also, I'll take the Chargers. You stay classy San Diego. And thanks for stopping by. But most of all stay classy. Thanks for stopping by. Stay classy. I'm Ron Burgundy.
Lonnie Takes Middle Tennessee
Cheryl Takes Louisiana-Lafayette
Kristy takes - LAFAYETTE
Ron takes - MIDDLE TENNESSEE, for, again, reasons unknown
And, the one you've all be waiting for ...
Lane takes MIDDLE TENNESSEE
Chris takes LAFAYETTE - in 4 2/3 overtimes.
I'll take ULL.
ACC
Boston College vs. VA TECH
SEC
Alabama vs. UF
FCS playoffs
Richmond at AP
Weber State at TANA
Villanova at JMU
NH at Northern Iowa
Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
Missouri vs. OHOMA
AS WHO? at Arizona
Scratchers
MTSU at Louisiana-Lafayette (Wednesday)
PITT at Connecticut
South Florida at WVU
CINCY at Hawaii
WKU at Florida International
NFL
Oakland at SD (Thursday)
Jacksonville at CHICAGO
SOTA at Detroit
Houston at GB
Cleveland at TENN
Cincinnati at INDY
KATRINA AND VICK at New Orleans
Philadelphia at EL GIANTES
Kansas City at DENVER
Miami at BUFFALO
JETS at San Francisco
NE at Seattle
SLU at Arizona
DALLAS at Pittsburgh
WASH at Baltimore
Tampa Bay at LINA (Monday)
I'll take the Chargers tonight.
Cullen stole a good Ron Burgundy line, so I'll just comment on Khalil Greene getting traded to the Cards. Hey, did you know that Khalil Greene is getting traded to the Cards? Well, he is.
He played at Clemson, and I played against him. So did Chip. I think. Chip was what we'd call a "weekend starter" which meant that he rarely made the trip to Clemson for a mid-week game. I, on the other hand, should have been listed as "UTL": because I played 3 positions, and also moonlit as a bullpen catcher and foulball chaser.
Good times everybody.
So much for upsets. I got the Chargers.
ACC
BLAHSTON COLLEGE vs. Virginia Tech (I guess this Big East exhibition was what the ACC had in mind when they expanded)
SEC
Alabama vs. FLORIDA (So Hillary is now Secretary of State? She should be good at it. Women make good secretaries. I bet Obama tells her to make sure his coffee is black and powerful like him or he'll put the cream in her eye bee-yotch)
FCS playoffs
Richmond at ASU (I have a feeling that this will be one of those games where App gets all of the bounces. Y'know, the kind that makes Ron's voice go to an octave only dogs can hear)
Weber State at MONTANA (Unless Harold Arceneaux is at QB for Weber)
VILLANOVA at James Madison (Got to go out on a limb that JMU won't complete a hail mary to win this one like last time)
New Hampshire at UNI (I think UNH has played UNI in each of the last three playoffs. It's tough to win at the dome)
Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
Missouri vs. OKLAHOMO (this feels like a week where there will either be a 4-way tie or Ed will have the best weekly record)
Arizona State at RIC FLAIRIZONA (Woooo! Tony Schiavone my watch costs more than your house. Hey, you shut up fat boy or I'll take your girl to Space Mountain. All NIGHT long! Woooo!)
Scratchers
MTSU at Louisiana-Lafayette (Oh I knew I was screwed when I saw I picked with Lane and against Chris)
PITT at Connecticut (I must be drunk. Picking with Wannestedt? Well I am at work so there's a good chance I am drunk)
South Florida at WVU (Here's an observation for teams called Mountaineers... when you have an HBCU playing at your stadium and your backwoods fans yell "Let's Go 'Neers", it doesn't sound quite right. Try it, yell that in a redneck voice and see what it sounds like)
CINCY at Hawaii (If there was a board game hall of fame, what three would make it on the first ballot? Monopoly and Scrabble probably. But who else? I think Hungry Hungry Hippos keeps missing it a la Bert Blyleven)
Western Kentucky at FIU (Can I just pick whoever Lane doesn't?)
NFL
Oakland at SAN DIEGO (founded by the Germans in 1904... the same year Al Davis was born)
Jacksonville at CHICAGO (Jack Del Rio might be fired in the offseason. I bet Leftwich is actually happy he got released)
MINNESOTA at Detroit (It's now or never for the Lions. I think they're dissolving into an adult film... Cue 70's porn music "They started winless but they're ending it pants-less. This was the only way they could score for four quarters... Alisha Purr... Tygress... Calvin Johnson... and Big Rod Marinelli as "The Commish"... you're gonna go deep with these wide receivers when you watch "Kitty Pride")
Houston at GREEN BAY (If Houston wasn't so bad on the road I'd take the upset. I'd also like for Tirico to snap and stab Tony Kornheiser in the neck the next time he mentions Brett Favre)
Cleveland at TENNESSEE (Ken Dorsey and Romeo Crennell vs the Titans? No thanks. This might make Jamal Lewis go back to trafficking coke)
Cincinnati at INDY (By the way, great call to whoever said Sylvester Crooms will never get fired. He "resigned" which is what Marvin Lewis will probably have to do)
Atlanta at NEW ORLEANS (Does the NFC South have the best QB's out of any division in football?)
Philadelphia at NYG (Jesus Christ, when did the Giants turn into the Cowboys?)
Kansas City at DENVER (no sense trying to figure out the Broncos, they're like picking a Pac 10 game)
MIAMI at Buffalo (tailgating is illegal in Canada. I think Canadians use the term tailgating to describe a gay sexual act that involves a bunch of guys in a parking lot eating each others' meat. What a bunch of homos)
NY JETS at San Francisco (tailgating is encouraged in San Francisco and also in Peter King's mouth when he thinks about Brett Favre)
NEW ENGLAND at Seattle (Bill Belichick stole footage from Mike Holmgren's colonoscopy camera for this one because the Seahawks play like shit. Boy I went a long way for that one with very little payoff)
St. Louis at ARIZONA (Wait, which one is the Cardinals? I want to pick them)
Dallas at PITTSBURGH (These are the teams I predicted would be in the Super Bowl)
Washington at B-MORE (Black QB's do much better in FCS than in the NFL)
Tampa Bay at CAROLINA (I'll probably regret this. The fans here are most excited that Carolina might come out in all black jerseys)
It's the middle of exams... so I need a distraction. These picks are just what the doctor ordered. Cullen, brilliance as always. Congratulations on the Ric Flair comment. That was fantastic.
Also, way to stick to your word and do the standings "tonight" Reginald.
Okay, so becuase I want to really distract myself from juvenile justice and municipal court study, I'm going with Fake Movie plots this week. It won't make up for me being a slackass this year, but hopefully it'll entertain you people. Both of you reading this.
ACC
Boston College vs. VIRGINIA TECH (Birdfight: Birdman v. The Gobbler. A man who can become an eagle has to break up a turkey drug ring)
SEC
Alabama vs. FLORIDA (Troll Tide. The seas look angry in the panhandle of Florida and as the storm rolls in, on the horizon the sillouttes of evil troll ships about to come ashore and take over) (Incidentially a 9 point line in this game? I don't see it. Either Alabama is going to win, or Florida is going to win big but I just don't see any way this is a close Florida win)
FCS playoffs
Richmond at APP (They already made something like this one... Hot, Hot, Hot Arachnaphobia)
Weber State at MONTANA (Revenge of the Defeated. Nick Cassavetes brings you the story of a cop who loses his badge because of a rogue undercover female agent drawing him into her underworld business of sex and drugs. This will star Shannon Tweed)
NOVA at James Madison (Revenge of the Defeated II. The cop has to crawl back to his estranged wife to have her help in convicing the chief that he was framed by Shannon Tweed's character. Who is mysteriously played by another actress in this movie)
New Hampshire at UNI (Welcome to the UNIDome. SciFi Netork Original Movie starring Brian Dennehy and Richard Crenna where they round up dirtbag drug dealers and send them off to Canada to a mysterious dome shaped torture cell: the UNIDome!)
Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
Missouri vs. OKLAHOMA (Summer School II: Stupid Rules. Mark Harmon takes a break from NCIS to take the same class from the original movie back to the beach to understand why BCS rankings determine anything in a conference tiebreaking sceneario)
ARIZONA ST. at Arizona (Desert Vortex. That's the huge sucking sound you hear coming out of Arizona)
Scratchers
PITTSBURGH at Connecticut (I'm out of ideas. I'm thinking that 10 to 15 people care about this game)
South Florida at WVA (Oh, way to hand Cincinnati the conference title)
CINCY at Hawaii (You know damn well that Cincy scheduled this game because they weren't planning on making a good bowl game)
WKY at Florida International (What is international about Florida? Well, besides Miami being a South American city)
NFL
Jacksonville at CHICAGO
Minnesota at DETROIT (I fully expect Jerome Felton to be unleashed in this game. Oh, wait, I mean RELEASED)
Houston at GREEN BAY
Cleveland at TENNESSEE
Cincinnati at INDY
Atlanta at NEW ORLEANS (I know I'm going to regret this)
Philadelphia at NYG (As long as the Giants don't shoot themselves in the foot, they should win)
Kansas City at DENVER (I apologize, that was awful)
MIAMI at Buffalo
NYJ at San Francisco
NEW ENGLAND at Seattle
St. Louis at ARIZONA
DALLAS at Pittsburgh
Washington at BALTIMORE (One more movie, but this is pretty much stolen from Adam Carolla: Attack Crows, Black Death From Above)
Tampa Bay at CAROLINA (Monday)
Geez Bob, I thought my mind was warped. You must have been tripping balls to come up with some of those movie ideas. I think Ron hasn't posted the standings because he passed out from the results. Allow me to post last week's results to help the old man out...
Ron 42-16
Cullen, Rob, Amy, Bob 40-18
Chris, Lonnie 39-19
Chip, Cheryl 38-20
Kristy 37-21
Ed 32-26
Lane 30-28
Kristy's Picks
ACC
BOSTON COLLEGE vs. Virginia Tech
SEC
Alabama vs. FLORIDA
FCS playoffs
Richmond at APPALACHIAN STATE
Weber State at MONTANA
Villanova at JAMES MADISON
New Hampshire at NORTHERN IOWA
Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
Missouri vs. OKLAHOMA
Arizona State at ARIZONA
Scratchers
Middle Tennessee at Louisiana-Lafayette (Wednesday)
PITTSBURGH at Connecticut
South Florida at WEST VIRGINIA
CINCINNATI at Hawaii
Western Kentucky at FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL
NFL
Oakland at SAN DIEGO (Thursday)
Jacksonville at CHICAGO
MINNESOTA at Detroit
Houston at GREEN BAY
Cleveland at TENNESSEE
Cincinnati at INDIANAPOLIS
Atlanta at NEW ORLEANS
Philadelphia at NY GIANTS
Kansas City at DENVER
Miami at BUFFALO
NY JETS at San Francisco
NEW ENGLAND at Seattle
St. Louis at ARIZONA
Dallas at PITTSBURGH
Washington at BALTIMORE
Tampa Bay at CAROLINA(Monday)
Lonnie's Picks
ACC
Boston College vs. VIRGINIA TECH
SEC
Alabama vs. FLORIDA
FCS playoffs
Richmond at APPALACHIAN STATE
Weber State at MONTANA
Villanova at JAMES MADISON
NEW HAMPSHIRE at Northern Iowa
Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
Missouri vs. OKLAHOMA
ARIZONA STATE at Arizona
Scratchers
MIDDLE TENNESSEE at Louisiana-Lafayette (Wednesday)
PITTSBURGH at Connecticut
South Florida at WEST VIRGINIA
CINCINNATI at Hawaii
Western Kentucky at FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL
NFL
Oakland at SAN DIEGO (Thursday)
Jacksonville at CHICAGO
MINNESOTA at Detroit
Houston at GREEN BAY
Cleveland at TENNESSEE
Cincinnati at INDIANAPOLIS
ATLANTA at New Orleans
Philadelphia at NEW YORK GIANTS
Kansas City at DENVER
MIAMI at Buffalo
NEW YORK JETS at San Francisco
NEW ENGLAND at Seattle
St. Louis at ARIZONA
Dallas at PITTSBURGH
Washington at BALTIMORE
Tampa Bay at CAROLINA (Monday)
Cheryl's Picks
ACC
BOSTON COLLEGE vs. Virginia Tech
SEC
Alabama vs. FLORIDA
FCS playoffs
Richmond at APPALACHIAN STATE
Weber State at MONTANA
VILLANOVA at James Madison
New Hampshire at NORTHERN IOWA
Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
Missouri vs. OKLAHOMA
Arizona State at ARIZONA
Scratchers
Middle Tennessee at LOUISIANA-LAFAYETTE (Wednesday)
PITTSBURGH at Connecticut
SOUTH FLORIDA at West Virginia
Cincinnati at HAWAII
Western Kentucky at FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL
NFL
Oakland at SAN DIEGO (Thursday)
JACKSONVILLE at Chicago
MINNESOTA at Detroit
Houston at GREEN BAY
Cleveland at TENNESSEE
Cincinnati at INDIANAPOLIS
Atlanta at NEW ORLEANS
Philadelphia at NEW YORK GIANTS
Kansas City at DENVER
MIAMI at Buffalo
NEW YORK JETS at San Francisco
NEW ENGLAND at Seattle
St. Louis at ARIZONA
Dallas at PITTSBURGH
WASHINGTON at Baltimore
TAMPA BAY at Carolina (Monday)
Rob's "comments":
And tailgate me about the standings. It's all a ruse to see how much free labor I can get out of Cullen. Soon, I'll start telling you guys that I plan to have my yard raked by Tuesday, absolutely without question. And when I miss the deadline, Cullen won't be able to stand it.
Well my comments sure didn't work last week, so I am just going to shut up.
boston college VIRGINIA TECH
ALABAMA florida (bama has a good defense)
FCS
richmond APP STATE
WEBER STATE montana
NOVA jmu (still think jmu is winning with smoke and mirrors
new hampshire NORTHERN IOWA
mizzu OKLAHOMO (how wrong is this?)
the other asu ARIZONA
pittsburgh UCONN
s florida WEST VIRGINIA
CINCY hawaii (wow talk about nothing to play for. Cincy has already won the big east. Can you say vacation game?)
wku FLORIDA CUBA
NFL
happy jack CHICAGO (the problem is you went complete retard)
MINNESOTA detroit
houston GREEN BAY
browns TENNESSEE
cincy INDY
atlanta NEW ORLEANS
PHILLY giants (did anybody hear Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg? Me neither.)
kc DENVER
miami BUFFALO
JETS san fran
new england SEATTLE (yep one last rabbbit out the hat)
st louis ARIZONA
dallas PITTSBURGH
washington BALTIMORE
tampa CAROLINA
ACC
BC HEADACHE POWDERS vs. Virginia Tech Tech's biggest margin of victory this year is 17 points - against our Furman Paladins. After that 14 points (Western Kentucky); then 11 - in a game where they scored 14. Ladies and gentlemen, meet your Coastal Division champion and potential representative in the BCS ...
SEC
Alabama vs. GAYTORS I can't believe I'm doing this. I really think 'Bama is legit, but all this Gaytor love has intimidated me.
FCS playoffs
Richmond at THE MOUNTED If you were a dog you could read the rest of this comment ...
Weber State at THE JIZZLIES
Villanova at THE FANCY DUKES
New Hampshire at UNI I think wildcats and panthers are technically the same thing.
Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
Missouri vs. OKLAHOMO But like Cullen, I'll be rooting for jizz all evening.
Arizona State at ARIZONA JEANS COMPANY When mom bought me some of these clothes, it was the highest I ever rose in the world of fashion. And those jeans will come back into style. I just have to keep wearing them.
Scratchers
MID TEN at Louisiana-Lafayette Wow Maryland. You lost to these guys?
Pittsburgh at UCONN Anybody else read SI's college basketball preview? I'm glad to see the editors going full retard and devoting exactly the same amount of space to women and men. It seriously is easily the worst, least useful preview I've ever seen.
South Florida at THE OTHER MOUNTAINEERS I really would have loved to have seen WVU and App play with White and Armanti at quarterback.
THE OTHER BEARCATS at Hawaii Speaking of HHS, B.J. couldn't quite pull out a big win last night. Is anyone else as shocked - SHOCKED! - as I am?
Western Kentucky at FIU
NFL
Oakland at STAY CLASSY SAN DIEGO I don't care if it's been played out. I'm using it anyway.
Jacksonville at DA BEARS The only other time in his life George Wendt was ever funny. I'm surprised he hasn't tried to kickstart his career by losing a bunch of weight. Look what that did for Newman.
MINNY at Detroit
Houston at FUDGE PACKERS Even though Schaub will be working his magic in Texans, uhhh, red and black again.
Cleveland at TENNESSEE I'm trying to type while watching the last Bourne movie, and these shaky camera angles are making me car sick.
Cincinnati at INDY Oh, Bourne, is there any explosion you can't survive?
Atlanta at SCREW ORLEANS I pathologically refuse to believe in the Falcons.
Philadelphia at GIANTS This is awesome: http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=210921&title=Jon-Stewart-Touches-Kids---Plaxico-Burress
Kansas City at BRONCOS Denver really is like picking a Pac 10 team. Well played, Cullen, but not as well played as your Hilary crack. Ohhh, Hilary crack - that opens up a whole new can of worms. Literally, Ewwww...
MAMMALS at Buffalo Goddam, I forgot about the scene where Bourne beats some dude's ass with a book. Suck on that, James Bond.
JETS at San Francisco OK, I will admit I'm a total homer, but has there ever been a league-leading rusher getting less respect than Thomas Jones this season? I let fantasy "experts" talk me out of playing him three times this year because he's never rated in the top 15 for running backs, and in that same politically correct version of SI a guy wrote a piece about the Jets that didn't mention his name once. If only he'd have sex with a 15-year-old or get busted fighting llamas...
SCREW ENGLAND at Seattle Speaking of statutory rape, anyone else hear R. Kelly's quote on BET? When asked if he has a weakness for teenage girls, this is EXACTLY what he said:
"When you say teenage how old are we talking?"
Ho. Lee. Shit.
St. Louis at ZONA Then again, this is what he said before his trial: "All of a sudden you're like the Bin Laden of America. Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows what I'm going through." R. Kelly is a smart, deep man.
Dallas at SHITTSBURGH He can also pee on a dime from six feet away.
Washington at BALLS'MORE I just came up with an awesome drinking game: Any time somebody in a Bourne movie says "Is there any sign of Bourne?" you have to take a shot. The winner doesn't die.
Tampa Bay at CAROLINA
Chris picks, typed between bouts of love-making with Saddam Hussein and Adolph Hitler in the firey pits of hell:
BOSTON COLLEGE at Virginia Tech
Alabama at FLORIDA
Richmond at APP. STATE
Weber State at MONTANA
Villanova at JAMES MADISON
New Hampshire at NORTHERN IOWA
Missouri at OKLAHOMA
Arizona State at ARIZONA
MIddle Tennesse at LOUISIANA-LAFAYETTE
PITTSBURGH at Connecticut
South Florida at WEST VIRGINIA
CINCINNATI at Hawaii
Western Kentucky at FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL
Oakland at SAN DIEGO
Jacksonville at CHIICAGO
MINNESOTA at Detroit
Houston at GREEN BAY
Cleveland at TENNESSEE
Cincinnati at INDY
ATLANTA at New Orleans
Philadelphia at NEW YORK GIANTS
Kansas City at DENVER
MIAMI at Buffalo
NEW YORK JETS at San Francisco
NEW ENGLAND at Seattle
St. Louis at ARIZONA
Dallas at PITTSBURGH
Washington at BALTIMORE
Tampa Bay at CAROLINA
Amy's picks. Sorry guys, I know this changes everything:
ACC
BC vs. Virginia Tech
SEC
Alabama vs. FLORIDA
FCS playoffs
Richmond at APP STATE
Weber State at MONTANA
VILLANOVA at James Madison
New Hampshire at NORTHERN IOWA
Big 12/Pac 10 headliners
Missouri vs. OKLAHOMA
Arizona State at ARIZONA
Scratchers
Middle Tennessee at Louisiana-Lafayette (Wednesday)
PITTSBURGH at Connecticut
South Florida at WVU
CINCINNATI at Hawaii
Western Kentucky at FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL
NFL
Oakland at SAN DIEGO (Thursday)
Jacksonville at CHICAGO
MINNESOTA at Detroit
Houston at GREEN BAY
Cleveland at TENNESSEE
Cincinnati at INDY
ATLANTA at New Orleans
Philadelphia at NY GIANTS
Kansas City at DENVER
Miami at BUFFALO
NY JETS at San Francisco
NEW ENGLAND at Seattle
St. Louis at ARIZONA
Dallas at PITTSBURGH
Washington at BALTIMORE
Tampa Bay at CAROLINA (Monday)
I'm changing my pick in the Dallas/Pittsburgh game. I'm in with the STILLERS.
Yes, I meant to type it that way, that's how they say it.
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